That Struggle

For the past few months, I learnt to live without you by my side. It's not an easy task for me. I miss everything about you. I am struggling a lot. Stepping into 2017, I just want to make things easy for myself. I don't want to complicate things. I believe letting things go will make me happy. For my self-development, I need to let go some things and people in my life. Well, there are times I miss so much and I am having a hard time to digest what's going on because everything is changing so fast. There are things I don't understand. I don't understand how fast people can change. I don't understand how fast they can replace us with someone else in their lives. I don't understand the need to let go and move on. I can't digest the art of letting things and people go. I am just confused. I don't understand why people can't be together even the fact that they are so madly in love with each other. It's so confusing for me. Being in love and out of love. I am just having a hard time understand how things work. After few months struggling with my feelings. Dealing with my feelings. Now I understand why we need to let go and make peace with our past. Sometimes people can't be together because of some unwanted circumstances. And we can't question why. We just need to accept it and move on with our lives. I used to hate myself for loving someone so much and lose myself and my values loving someone. But now I understand.. We need to love ourselves. Every single thing about ourselves. Our flaws. Our insecurities. We need to accept them. And understand that when we love ourselves better than before, someone will come along the way and love us the way we are.

I Just Don't Want !

I don't want to go to the places we've been before. I don't want to listen to those songs. I don't want to remember how you make me laugh. I don't want to miss your silly face anymore. I don't want to miss anything about you. I don't want to remember the little things about you anymore. I don't want to look at our pictures anymore. I don't want to miss our memories again. I don't want to cry again for missing you. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I don't want to remember how good you make me feel and how loud you make me laugh. I don't want to remember how your face can make me the happiest person in the world. I don't want to make you cry again. I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want you to hurt me again. I don't want us to keep hurting each other. I don't want you to say that you miss me. I don't want to say that I miss you. I don't want to feel this pain again. I don't want to fall in love with you again. I am afraid. I don't want to.

Believe

I don't believe when you said you are broken as well, just like me. You have no idea how broken I am. You can't unbroken me. You can't never fix me. I don't believe when you said you put me first over anything else. If you do, why you have the courage to see I am falling into pieces? If you truly love me, why you said those hurtful words? Why are you breaking my heart again and again? Why are you tearing me apart? I don't believe you when you said you miss me. If you really miss me, why you don't even call or text me? Why do you have to wait? Why the blame is always on me? Why I am always the bad person?

Keliru Dan Buntu

Kadang aku keliru.

Keliru dalam memilih.

Memilih mereka yang patut aku percaya.

Tapi akhirnya menikamku.

Memilih mereka yang aku sayang.

Tapi akhirnya meninggalkanku.

Memilih mereka yang aku jadikan semangat.

Tapi akhirnya mengecewakanku.

Aku penat.

Aku rasa betul-betul penat.

Sehingga kepenatan ini mematikan rasa semua itu dan tidak akan 

muncul lagi sehingga aku benar-benar berjumpa orang yang boleh 

buat aku percayakan semula.

Tidak ada rasa, buatkan aku kuat semula.

Tidak ada rasa, buatkan aku tidak dipijak dengan sesuka hatinya.

Tidak ada rasa, buatkan aku nampak manusia mana yang nak tipu 

orang lain tapi tidak buat aku.

Tentang rasa.

Hanya Allah yang beri rasa ini dan aku pilih untuk simpan.

Buat sementaranya.